Turning blue (and grey):

Loki had his nephrostogram yesterday. They put a dye in his kidney to examine exactly where his urine goes. Not much information we got from this, however it should provide the urologist with useful info, apparently. Loki seems to be getting more anti-biotics, but the nurse informing me in the evening was unsure why exactly this is. I did not have a chance to speak to the doctor, so hopefully we'll find out on Thursday. The nurse administered the cherry flavored anti biotics through his mouth. Initially Loki was intrigued by the taste, but soon turned blue, then grey and stopped breathing. His heart rate and oxygen dip followed to the fifties and sixties for a bit. Pretty scary stuff.... He obviously couldn't really process the thicker liquid going into his throat and started choking. He needed some extra oxygen and he needed a quick suctioning of the throat and mouth to clear it out. Although it was very scary and distressing to see him go still, blue and stop doing what he is supposed to do (breathing and pumping his blood through his entire body), it was useful to see this happen so pronounced at the hospital. I know what to look for when this happens at home. Unfortunately we do not have the extra oxygen laying around the house.

Loki moved to a pink, big boy crib. He has his blankies, dollie, mirror bear and a mobile right there with him. The mobile has little birdies fly around above his head, with a variety of songs playing. He is now big enough to want to look around when he is awake. For example, after he chokes on medicine and then is super, duper alert for a few minutes due to the extra oxygen received.

Right before the choking debacle Loki and dad had some time to cuddle up together. Loki was so very, very comfy in his daddy's arms. I will upload the pictures soon.

We have not heard a clear confirmation, but rumor has it that the surgery may be on the 9th of February at CHO. We will see..... If we stay put, I do hope we are a little bit luckier with our day nurses. We have had great luck during the evenings, but the day nurse we have four days in a row, every week, just makes me feel insecure about almost anything I do. She can be friendly, but for whatever reason is very inconsistent with her friendliness. At least, towards Loki and I. Just little subtleties that make it hard to relax around her. E.g. when I held Loki and closed my eyes just to shut out the unpleasant surrounding, she gave me a lecture on how I cannot hold him and sleep because I may drop him........ Parents all around me are suctioning their babies' noses and throats with the actual hospital gear (not a bulb syringe), yet she is upset when I change his pulse oximeter, making it clear that this is a nurses job. For those who do not know, a pulse ox is a little ankle band easily removed ( I started doing this very early on when he was a tiny little preemie), and if done incorrectly it will just show a wacky pattern at the monitor and beep. Nothing intrusive, nothing difficult. Sometimes she is nice and says goodbye to us when she leaves, sometimes she only says goodbye to the people around us and just walks out. I am trying to be as nice as can be to not make matters worse, but at times I just cry because I feel incredibly insecure about what I can and cannot do and feel like a bad mom at times. The lack of sleep tends to make me a little more teary anyway. She is great with the other families around us, and can be friendly with us, I just have a very hard time figuring out what I do wrong. Weird though, I was pretty excited when I saw we were matched with the child she primaries last week, because I thought she was a thorough and good nurse. Guess I rub her the wrong way... oh well. In the end this will only be a few more weeks or a month or so, I hope.......