It has been a very hard day, and I suspect it will not be much easier for the upcoming days either. I have been missing Loki so very much. Knowing that I most likely cannot see him before his surgery, unless my cold disappears asap, is rather challenging. Dad seems to be feeling just fine, and will go to the hospital tomorrow around the time Loki is tranferred. Unfortunately he needs to work at least during the initial hours of the day.
Despite feeling somewhat miserable, both physically and mentally, I am so very grateful for the support we once again receive from all of you.
We will most likely transfer ourselves to SF tomorrow with clothes, pumping gear, baby blankets, clothes and such, so we can spend a few nights possibly on the other side of the bay, where one of Loki's guardian angels has offered us a bedroom. In addition, Loki had two angels visit from Alta Bates today. Amber and Janet spent time cuddling and talking to Loki. They came at separate times, so Loki had very familiar faces and voices for at least a few hours during the day. When Janet was there she held the phone close to his face so I could talk to him, and apparently he started looking around when he heard my voice.
I don't think I can even find the right words to express how amazing it is to see Loki's nurses offer support far above and beyond....... anything really!! Thank you would never do!!!
Loki's ROP is stable at stage 3. He will need another eye exam next week sometime, but the doctor was very happy to see it stable. This may very well mean it will eventually resolve. Let's hope!
Untitled (written 8/30/2008)
5 months ago
8 comments:
What a blessing, such people! Also for me it feels so good to know that those dedicated AB nurses give this effort! At the other side of the wordld I can't do a lot but writing comments and make a call. Ofcourse my thoughts are everyday with little dudie babylokisky, mom and dad.
Dear Margaret, Janet, Amber, Lisa, Rhea, Annette and all of you I forgot, my "thank you" is huge!!!!
Looking out of the window everything again is white from snow. This gives lots of light. All the light I send over to the bay area to support Loki.
What could I possibly add to Marieke's comment? She is so right!
I feel exactly the same. Thank you Marie, for writing this down. And thank you, Alta Bates Angels: what you do is of great, great value! So little can we do from here - so much is it you do over there!
Loki survived every crises until now - he will also survive this one. Love to you all,
Oma
Up till now he has done great and I agree, he will do amazing again this time. He is just that kind of a guy, our little Loki.I will give him virtual hugs until this cold is gone!!
Happy 'Birthday', Loki!
Well, this sounds strange, but today was supposed to be your birthday. The day when your parents expected to cry tears of JOY; when your mom expected to actually give birth, instead of having you cut out of her; when she expected you to be laid on her belly and feel your soft skin against hers; when she expected you to open your eyes and look at her; when she expected you to search for her breasts and latch on and just suckle, sans bradies and apneas.
Instead they have shed a lot of tears of overwhelming fear for your health, they have waited 3 (mom) and 4 (dad) weeks to even hold you. They have cringed every time watching some other needle poking you, some new tube twisted into your tiny body, watching helplessly when your face grimaced in pain. They have learned how to care for you in the NICU environment, and they have adapted, and sure enough they have given you the best and most compassionate care possible in the world.
Here we are on this day. Even preemies are usually discharged around their due date. And instead of finally going home, you are moving to your 3rd (THIRD!) hospital. I can't even begin to express how I feel about it. I am so sorry you have to go through the surgery. I am so sorry that your mom can't even be with you on this critical day. It must be very hard for her.
I am also very grateful for the outstanding care of the AB nurses, one of them hosting mom and dad so they can be close to you.
I know it is really hard to watch your baby be put to sleep and waiting in front of that closed OR door. I am sure you will get out of this stronger. And I am counting the days that your mom and dad can finally take you home - healthy and strong, breathing and feeding regularly.
You are all in my thoughts, and I am sending you all my love.
Mascha
Wat heerlijk dat jullie zoveel steun krijgen van de 'angels' die jullie Loki zo goed kennen!
We denken extra aan jullie, de komende spannende dagen. Heel veel sterkte!!
Lidy en Theo
dear Mascha,
Thanks for your kind words. It is good to read a heartfelt comment. It isn't always possible on a blog, but this I found very touching.
Kyra
Dearest Kathalijn and Jesse,
All those moving months for all of you and now Loki has to go through this extra very difficult period and you have to wait and hope all is going well.
My heart is close to you and of course to Loki.I will chant for him that all will come out well for him and so for you.
I will chant for strength and courage for him to overcome this sad period, he is so vulnerable beacuase he is so small, but also so strong, he has proved this all the time.
I will send lots of energy to him through the universe and he will defenitely receive it, I'm sure!
Lots of love, courage, patience to you both. I know it's easy to say
but I do know you can make it because you love him so much.
That's what love really is, the way you act, talk and feel for your little boy Loki.
Kus van Karin.( Amsterdam)
Dear Kat and Jesse,
When I entered the nursery at CHO today, Loki was "futzing" in his crib...until he heard Mommy's voice via the telephone. He stopped squirming immediately;his eyes opened ever so big and round; and, he started pursing his lips as if wanting to breastfeed. He was so "knap" and adorable that I couldn't help smiling.He's the best!!!
Fondly,
Nurse Janet
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